For the segment of the world’s population who like to rock Crocs outside of the garden or hospital shift, we will refrain from cautioning you about the shoes being a health hazard or questionable fashion choice.
Today, we are actually going to cheer Crocs on, as a new style has emerged on Etsy that has a redeeming quality. The are gothic. They are punk. They are rock n’ roll with a side of five dimes in the jukebox, baby.
While most of us have been sleeping, Etsy shop HeavyCreamStore is selling Goth Crocs with spikes and chains that start at $240. You know you want a pair for your next punk rock rave, motorcycle club meetup, or cosplay adventure.
Created by Instagram users garage boy and @lhommeboy, , the shoes are modified Crocs that feature optional nickel-plated spikes and stainless steel chains. You can also order them without the spikes or chains, but where is the fun in that?
The Etsy description reads:
“Punk spike crocs to make your feet into the final form rare Pokémon they were meant to be. (PATENT PENDING)
The spikes are nickel plated and the chain is high sheen stainless steel.
Unisex, if you’re unsure about size add it as a note to seller.
Add-on: chain that runs from hinge to belt loop on pant leg as shown in pictures. (This is not the chain on the side of the shoe.)”
Sizes range from U.S. 4 to 13 in men’s with the women’s equivalents being size 6 to 15. Sorry, no kids’ version is available as obviously they would be a safety hazard at home, school, or the playground.
Since they’ve been discovered, social media users are expressing their admiration or discontent. Puns, of course, are running rampant. But sales are quickly catching fire. At the time of this writing, only one pair is left and no injuries have been reported.
Are you ready to see the worst thing ever? I present to you, Goth Crocs pic.twitter.com/PaiipcsoeS
— Official Jamesdalf (@Jamesdalf1) April 3, 2019
the only thing that's upset me more than the phenomenon that is 'goth crocs' is the fact that no one has fucking called it 'punk-croc' yet pic.twitter.com/ZMuM4sXOWP
— sloane (@cottoncandaddy) March 29, 2019
In some circles, these shoes are being compared to the infamous high-heeled Crocs that were panned all over the world for being the epitome of ridiculousness. Part-sandal, part-rubbery classic Croc, they were once described as being a sign of end times.
Other styles of Crocs include camo, faux fur-lined, and the uber-expensive Balenciaga designs that exist in someone’s closet, though whose, we know not. Although these goth Crocs earn points for innovation, they are not the first of its kind.
Search through the annals of Crocs’ inventory and you’ll find a few styles of black Crocs for women that have platforms and dark metallic accents. They can’t be compared to the hardcore ones seen in this Etsy shop, but if you want to spend less and stay on the dark side, get ‘em.
But remember, Crocs are considered to be a crime against fashion and a crime against your feet. Podiatrists warn that long-term wear can harm your feet and impair your safety while walking. Live life on the edge if you want!
Who do you know that will totally want a pair of these Crocs? Are you into edgy wear like spikes and goth fashions? Do you enjoy wearing Crocs even though they are maligned?