How Asking One Simple Question Saved This Couple’s Marriage
If you’ve been married for any number of years, you probably know that marriage isn’t always easy. We’re talking about two people who will never always see eye to eye. No matter how well a couple gets along, there will always be differing opinions and differing priorities.
Richard Paul Evans married wife, Keri, when they were 21 years old. Fast forward a few years, and their marriage was in such poor shape that they barely even talked to each other. He told NBC BETTER, “I loved her, I knew I loved her, she loved me. We just didn’t know how to make it work.“
One day, while taking a shower, Richard broke down in tears, and he had a sort of epiphany. He realized that there was nothing he could do to make his wife change but that he could do something different. He could change.
Richard realized that he had unrealistic expectations about marriage back when he was 21. He and his wife hadn’t realized that marriage was really about making sure the person they were married to was happy. They were still focused on their own individual happiness.
When you’re married, it’s easy to blame your spouse for all of your problems, but if we honestly look at ourselves, we can probably admit that we’re at least partly to blame. Even if we can’t see it at first, a step in the right direction is to show your spouse that you care.
Richard realized that he needed to make his spouse feel like she was his priority instead of making everything all about him. He did this by asking one simple question. He asked her, “How can I make your day better?”
Richard asked Keri this question for the first time the very next day after he had his epiphany, and he’s asked it every day since. The first day, Keri said he could clean the kitchen, so he did. The next day, she said he could clean the garage, so he did.
Richard warns that if you ask your spouse this question you have to be willing to do whatever it takes or your spouse won’t trust you.
Keri was so surprised and impressed with her husband’s words and actions that a couple weeks after he started asking this new question, she finally said, “I should be asking you that.”
Now, Richard and Keri both ask each other “How can I make your day better?” They do this every day. They are now 56 years old. This simple question and the fact that they follow through with actually doing something for each other every day is the reason they have a long, successful marriage.
Do you think it would help your marriage if you asked your spouse, “How can I make your day better?” If your spouse asked you this question, how would you respond?