Kale Candy Canes Have Arrived and We’re Pretty Sure Christmas Is Ruined
Can anything ruin Christmas more for a kid other than having to eat their greens? Luckily, the holiday is all about not having to do that. Instead, they likely get to enjoy some more of the sweet treats that come out around this time, like sugar plums and sprinkle cookies, and of course, the holy grail of all Christmas candies: The candy cane.
Traditionally, candy canes are flavored with peppermint, but they also come in other flavors, from caramel to blueberry, and even more savory ones, like bacon and sriracha. Yes, there are truly some odd candy cane flavors out there, but nothing quite beats a new one that just made headlines everywhere.
Ladies and gentlemen, the kale-flavored candy cane now exists.
Yes, you read that right: A candy cane with the flavor of leafy green cabbage. We never thought “kale” and “candy” would be in the same sentence, but alas, here we are.
The kale candy cane was created by a company called Archie McPhee, a novelty candy and funny toy emporium. So we suppose can’t take everything they do too seriously. After all, last year, the company came out mac and cheese candy canes!
This year, the candy cane creators apparently thought, “Hm, how could we make our flavor this year even worse than last year’s? I know! Incorporate flavors of vegetables!”
While kale might not be the most kid-friendly flavor, perhaps some adults wouldn’t mind sucking on the green they use for their salad. But don’t be fooled—these are far from healthy.
“While this candy cane might not have the nutritional value of actual kale, it does share the delicious flavor we’ve all come to love,” said David Wahl, Archie McPhee’s Director of Awesome.
So what’s that delicious flavors he’s talking about? “Sweet, grassy … with a bit of a bitter note,” he said. Yes, that’s exactly the tastes we come to crave in a candy cane, isn’t it?
The kale candy cane is also not at all minty, even though it boasts a green and white design. “We do want to warn people that the green color of the candy cane might lead someone to believe that it has a minty flavor. We wouldn’t want anyone to be fooled into eating one accidentally,” he said.
Consider yourself warned: These will NOT taste like traditional candy canes.
In addition to kale candy cane, Archie McPhee also rolled out several other revolting flavors, including pizza and ham, the latter also being known as the “hamdy cane.” And no, those have zero candy cane flavor as well. “The Hamdy Canes taste disturbingly like ham with a sweet glaze,” Wahl explained. “Pizza candy canes taste like pizza herbs with a cheesy richness.”
Well, we suppose you know what to get your kid if he or she ends up on the naughty list this year—or maybe you can get them the coal candy cane, because that’s a thing, too!
You can purchase the kale candy canes here, if you dare, as well as many other odd flavors and other weird-sounding candies.
Would you ever try a kale-flavored candy cane? How about any of the others?