As parents, we enjoy seeing our children smile and laugh. Honestly, nothing makes us happier. There’s nothing like seeing a child’s face light up. It makes the hard parts about parenting melt away, at least momentarily. Your child’s smile makes everything worthwhile.

There are many things that make kids giggle. Jokes work. Funny faces work. Acting silly works. Tickling works too, but you may want to rethink tickling.

Sure, it seems innocent enough, parents tickling their children, especially when the kids seem to love it so much. They’re smiling and laughing after all, right? Many children beg to be tickled.

But, here’s the thing about tickling. The laughter is an automatic reflexive response. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the child is happy in that moment.

Do you remember being tickled as a child? It may start out fun, but there comes a point where it almost hurts, yet you’re still laughing so hard that you can’t actually tell the person tickling you to stop, and even if you could, would they? They may not believe that you really want them to stop since you’re laughing so much.

What if your child is begging you to tickle them?

Many parents start tickling their children before they’re even old enough to talk. It can almost happen accidentally. You hug or kiss your baby, pick him or her up and suddenly they’re smiling and laughing. You realize you found a ticklish spot. You love the response, so now you touch that spot on purpose, whether it’s the neck, or under the arms, or the feet; you love seeing your baby laugh.

Robert R. Provine, a neuroscientist at the University of Maryland at Baltimore County believes that ticking is an important first connection between parents and their children. He points out that you can’t tickle yourself, and that it helps the baby recognize touch that’s outside of himself.

So, your child grows up knowing what tickling is and what it feels like, and many kids love to be tickled. But, is that okay? As parents, maybe this whole tickling business needs to change.

Dr. Richard Alexander, Hubbell professor of evolutionary biology at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, says, ”A child can be transformed from laughter into tears by going the tiniest bit too far with tickling, raising the question of whether tickling is an expression of dominance. There are lots of people who do abusive tickling, causing great mental pain, and that raises a big question about laughter.”

We need to teach our kids about consent and body autonomy, and if we’re teaching them that it’s okay to be in a position where they can’t tell you to stop and their response is uncontrollable, is that okay?

In a world where #metoo exists, we need to rethink how we raise our kids.

Did you know that tickling has actually been used as a form of torture? Did you know that some adults were tickled so much when they were younger that they seriously have a fear of being tickled as adults?

Along with not tickling our kids, we can teach them that they don’t have to hug or kiss anyone they don’t want to, and that they shouldn’t force a hug or kiss on anyone who doesn’t want to be hugged or kissed. It’s important for them to know that they can set boundaries about how they use their body and it’s important that they respect other people’s boundaries.

Were you tickled when you were a child? Do you tickle your kids?