Single Dad Opens Up About Not Having the Same Support As Single Moms
Being a parent is challenging when parents work as a team, like a mom and a dad living in the same house. It gets even harder when the parents aren’t together and one parent has to do everything.
One single dad with half custody of his kids took to Reddit to vent about how hard it is to be a single dad. He compared being a single dad to being a single mom and explained that single dads who are doing just as much work as single moms don’t get the same credit or support.
“My ex has women telling her on social media how amazing she is for raising kids in her own and how strong and independent she is for picking herself up after the divorce (that she caused with her affair) and being a mom. I have none of that. Its not that my friends don’t think I’m a good dad, its that as a society, we have made the single mom a sort of unsung hero. What about single dads? We do the same shit. I work and take care of my kids the same way but I don’t get celebrated like I’m doing something amazing. I just get the recognition that almost all dads get…nothing.”
In an edit to his post, this single dad explained he wasn’t looking for a pat on the back or an award for being a dad. He simply wanted to share how different it is for single dads verses single moms.
“I’ve been to mom groups to socialize my kids and I’m this weird anomaly and they don’t even talk to me so then I play with my kid so I’m not just there on my phone. Its not the same for us. We don’t have the same resources.”
One Reddit user pointed out that shared custody is nothing compared to full custody and that many people assume a single mom has full custody. That might be why there is a difference in support.
“Single parent with half custody isn’t nearly the same as true single parent, and I think people tend to assume with single mom, dad isn’t in the picture, but with single dad mom is still around.”
Other Reddit users don’t even think that “single parent” applies if you have shared custody.
“Nobody cares if you’re single relationship wise. The single is referring to custody / responsibility. It means you’re in it alone, not that you don’t have a spouse.
People use it incorrectly to refer to their situation, to get the extra points or something. I know if my wife and I split up (god forbid), our daughter would have both of us. I would not refer to myself as a single dad…. I’d just be a dad, who is single.”
However, many Reddit users understand the dad’s point about moms getting more support than dads after a breakup and some have experienced it first hand.
“My ex got a free Christmas tree because she was a single mom. Have heard of other preferential treatments at places for being a single mom. She doesn’t work still even after divorce, I pay for almost all her life. Nobody gives a d*** that I’m a single dad who is not only doing my half but also working on top of it to pay her.”
Here’s another example.
“I think single dads definitely have it harder. Single moms seem to have so much more geared towards helping them, while dads don’t have anything. I’ve actually seen first hand discrimination between the two at jobs I’ve worked at, where moms have been given preferential treatment, but dads have been told to “tough it out”. My hat goes off to all single dads.”
Do you think single dads are treated unfairly compared to single moms? Do you think a parent is a “single” parent if he or she has shared custody?