Engaged? In the midst of planning a wedding—picking your wedding dress, deciding on flowers, and picking favors—you might be wondering how different married life will be than your previous life.

Honestly? Not too different. Besides getting to call each other husband and wife, chances are you’re going to have relatively the same relationship as you did before.

However, the longer you’re married, the more you need to make certain sacrifices for each other. Not sure what we mean? Take it from the people who know married life best: Married couples!

Below, we’re sharing advice from 13 couples who posted their best marriage advice on Reddit, to help those diving into marriagehood to make it the best it could be.

1. Argue constructively

   “The point of arguing is not to win, it is to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them.”

2. Don’t try to top their issue

   “’I had a bad day because of X,’ ‘You think you had a bad day, Y happened!’ Congrats, now you are competing with your spouse instead of being on the same team. Even saying ‘You had a bad day too? Y happened…’ Puts you both in the same situation and is inclusive. You can be angry together, it’s you guys vs. the world.”

3. Show gratitude

   “Don’t just be grateful the ‘extra’ things your spouse does, be grateful for every single thing. If you shop for food, then prep it, cook it, then clear the table, then load the dishwasher, then clean all the pots and pans—and then later your spouse empties the dishwasher, thank them for doing that, and feel it.”

4. Put things in perspective

   “Someone once told me ‘once you get married your wife becomes your family and your family become your relatives.’ Really helped me through any stressful family gatherings, knowing we had each other’s backs, being our own team.”

5. Keep goals in sync

   “Shared goals (including finances, kids, careers, etc.) are more important than shared hobbies.”

6. Don’t forget to date

   “Be prepared to date each other forever. The second you stop courting each other, it all falls apart. No reason to not go on one date a week just the two of you.”

7. Pick your battles

   “So often I find myself thinking, ‘this thing annoys me.’ But then I think ‘should I use my battle on this, or save it for something that bothers me more?”’ And it ends up saving a lot of energy.

8. Communicate, communicate, communicate

   “Effective communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. If you haven’t already, learn how your partner deals with stress or anger and learn together how to make it work for you guys.”

9. Assume nothing

   “Your spouse is not in your brain, cannot read your mind and cannot interpret passive aggressiveness with the intent that you’re trying to deliver.”

10. Discuss finances

    “Money will be your downfall if you don’t attack it together. Sit down, create a budget, get on the same page. Discuss how you’re going to manage finances, who is paying what bills and when. Your 5 year plan, your 10 year plan. Goals, aspirations. Dreams of what you want to do with money and how you’re going to get there.”

11. Really listen

    “To understand, not to solve the problem. You’re not Ben & Jerry’s…you can’t solve all the problems. Just listen—you end up doing a world of good if you just reassure the other that you’re available to them.”

12. Hang out separately sometimes

    “Once you become married, don’t become ‘Mr. And Mrs. Johnson’ be ‘Mr. Johnson’ and ‘Mrs. Johnson.’ Retain your individuality. Have time apart. have separate hobbies. Have separate activities.”

13. Marry your best friend

    “The one you like to have random conversations with, that interests you. The one that makes you laugh a lot. The one you can spend all your time with. The one who will support you in tough times and vice versa. You know….The One.”

What’s your best marriage advice for engaged couples?