Someday, hundreds of years from now, new civilizations of humans (and possibly aliens) will look back and get a glimpse of what was going on with us. It wouldn’t be surprising for the Internet to be a testament to that.

The Internet, a repository of what is good, evil, interesting, uninteresting, scary, and strange about us humans will have those future citizens scratching their heads. Case in point is this bizarre new trend: toothpaste on boobs.

Mm-hmm. You read that right. Straight out of a middle school diary comes this method that is supposed to make a woman’s breasts grow larger, firmer, and/or perkier. The source? YouTube vlogs, of course.

One video alone has racked up nearly 8 million views with its host (going by the name NaturalBeauty556) mixing up her own recipe made up of toothpaste, flour, cucumber, and egg. The headline to the video claims to tighten saggy breasts in 5 days, and she explains that toothpaste will shrink the pores and tighten the skin.

Another video touts a combo of toothpaste and Vaseline caked onto the breast and nipples.  Once you whip up your mixture, you apply it daily for a set number of days and then boom! You’ll be va-va-va voom. People are trying this in the hopes that toothpaste formulas will magically grow breast tissue and firm up what is already there.

We don’t know who’s been trying it – besides this experimental vlogger – but we do know it does not work. We repeat: it does NOT work. In the event you don’t take our word for it, Teen Vogue spoke with dermatologist Dr. Susan Bard about this viral DIY:

“This is preposterous. None of the ingredients in these concoctions have the capacity to increase breast tissue or tighten loose skin. Applying these mixtures are not without risk as they can cause contact dermatitis.”

If you look at the warning on toothpaste labels, you’ll see a directive about not swallowing the stuff, so why risk slathering it onto your breasts? Unless you’re in love with the scent of toothpaste on your skin, skip it. The minty, tingly sensation will only fool you into thinking that something is going on.

Doctors say that the only things that can increase your chest size are hormones, weight gain, and augmentation surgery. And as for sagging? Exercise can only build the muscle underneath the breast, not perk up its tissue. Docs would prefer you leave your breasts as-is without any Crest or Vaseline treatments.

Consider this a PSA for anyone searching the internet, in search of DIY methods for increasing their breast size. They can scratch this one off the list along with chest fly exercises and making a wish. That goes double for any adult who almost went and assembled one of these hoax recipes. Push-up bras are a better option.

Please, use toothpaste for your pearly whites or even one of these ingenious hacks, but don’t expect big things to happen with your boobs.

Did you know these techniques were floating around on the internet? Are we too late because you’ve already tried it? Your thoughts on this trend?