Olivia Jade does not want to get cancelled again. After her parents, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, were found guilty of paying to guarantee her spot at the University of Southern California, she got caught in the negative media attention.

Now, Olivia is back with a new podcast on iHeartRadio. It’s called “Conversations with Olivia Jade,” and in her first episode, she talks to psychologist Dr. Hillary Goldsher. In the conversation, Olivia tells Dr. Goldsher that she isn’t trying to “throw myself a little pity party.” She admits that her family “really messed up,” but she is having trouble forgiving herself “because I feel so unforgiven by what feels like the entire world…everybody hates me.”

She says that she has learned a lot from this experience, but it’s hard for her when she sees so many people online saying things like, “You should’ve known. You should’ve done better. This shouldn’t have happened in the first place.” It’s also hard for her hearing people say, “Well, clearly you haven’t learned anything.” She added, “A. You don’t know me. How do you know that? And, B. I would be crazy not to have learned anything from this situation.”

Olivia added that she is putting “constant guilt and stress” on herself. Basically, her parents’ mistakes and the attention surrounding her has been very bad for her mental health.

Olivia and Dr. Goldsher also talked about cancel culture, and this issue is personal to Olivia. Dr. Goldsher expressed how important it is for the person who made the mistake to be able to have a voice and be able to learn from the mistake and for the public to hear the dialogue and see the change instead of simply taking away that person’s voice.

Olivia explained how getting canceled has made her feel, and how it has impacted her life. She explained, “I’m so hesitant to talk about this…because of the trauma.” She added that she thinks, “Oh, gosh, if I say this or if it comes off…the wrong way, am I going to get canceled again?” She said that she gets “so nervous that I feel like I walk on eggshells when I talk just because I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

Then Olivia went on to explain that she has definitely changed but not necessarily for the better. Instead, she has “harder days” or is “way harder” on herself.  She explained, “I’m so scared of looking at my name and something bad is happening, and I’m the face of it, and it’s going to be this big thing that blows up in my face again.”

Olivia said that she lives her life “a little bit differently.” All of the negative comments about her have made her “shut down.” She explained, “You kind of start to believe what people are telling you. Like, you don’t deserve a second chance, and there is no room for growth. You feel like, not to sound super dark, but how do you bounce back then? Because I want to be alive. I still want to grow up….but then you have people saying ‘well, you don’t deserve to, and you should go hide forever.’…In kind of a dark way, it’s just like, don’t exist anymore. Which obviously is really hard to hear, especially when you’re the person being told that.”

Does it surprise you how much the college admission scandal has negatively impacted Olivia’s mental health?