Every Tired Mother Needs to Read This Mom’s Hilarious 4 a.m. Poem About Her Sleeping Husband
No matter how much we all try to split tasks evenly between men and women, there are some things that never seem to change, especially when there’s a baby in the house.
It never fails that the mom is the one who is woken up multiple times at night to tend to baby’s every need. Sure, dad can’t breastfeed, but he can change diapers, burp baby, and anything else baby needs, like a full on bath after a late night blowout.
As a mom, there’s nothing more annoying than being awake and exhausted at 3am because your baby is crying only to look over and see your spouse sound asleep. Like, he’s snoring he’s so deeply asleep. Why are men such deep sleepers?
Even though there are husbands in the world who take a turn getting up at night so their wife can sleep, we’re pretty sure most moms can relate to a blissfully sleeping partner who is oblivious to all the nighttime baby drama.
Caroline Olling Andersen is one such mom. She lives in Dubai with her husband and her baby girl. One night she was so fed up that she penned an epic poem to her daughter called “Daddy’s Asleep.” It’s quite a masterpiece especially considering it was written at 4am.
Mom’s everywhere, here is her poem:
I love your daddy, I really do,
After all, without daddy, I wouldn’t have you.
But from midnight till sunrise, it’s just you and I.
And as each hour passes, I’m not gonna lie:
Mommy’s love slowly fades, becomes angry and weak,
Because no matter what, your dad is f***ing asleep!
It all starts out lovely. We kiss each other goodnight.
We look lovingly down at you dear, such a beautiful sight.
An hour later, mommy wakes with a start.
You’re twisting and turning, you’re starting to fart.
You’re gesturing for food. Mommy is there
with a bottle or breast
Daddy is snoring away, the way he knows best.
Mommy burps you, and holds you and rocks you with care.
You spew foul smelling yogurt on mommy’s freshly washed hair.
As mommy changes her shirt, and mops vomit off the floor.
Your daddy farts, rolls over and continues to snore.
Mommy’s maternal alarm goes off, it’s not even three!
You’re stirring again, you’re hungry and staring at me!
“I think she is hungry” your daddy offers, pulls duvet over his head,
Mommy sends him a death stare and rolls out of bed.
Mommy comes back, tired and drained and what is this I see?
Your daddy has taken over my side, doesn’t give a f*** about me!
Mommy kicks him and pushes him angrily away.
“What’s up love?” He moans in a lovingly way.
Your daddy has no clue he is under attack.
He wraps his arms around me and kisses my back.
And just as my love for daddy is back on the rise,
You start to coo in your crib and open your eyes.
And daddy gently nudges me to attend to your need.
I give him the finger as I prepare for a feed.
But as the sun starts rising, the slate is wiped clear.
I’m back to full love for your daddy and for you my dear.
I forget that daddy sleeps while you cry and you poo.
It’s back to kissing and hugging and doting on you.
Soon you’ll grow up and be daddy’s little girl.
You’ll not remember me cleaning up shit and vomit hurl.
Whilst you sit on his lap and he sings you a song,
You’ll love him and think daddy could do nothing wrong.
But my sweet love, here is a poem for you to keep,
So you know that all those long nights, dad was f***ing asleep!
Since Anderson posted this poem on Facebook, it has already been shared over 16k times. If you want to see more of her poetry about mom life, she has set up a Facebook page called The Mommy Poet where she has plans to post future musings.
What’s your favorite line of “Daddy’s Asleep”? Can you relate to this poem?