When one mom-to-be and her baby’s father broke up, she had a burning question for Reddit: Was it okay to NOT have him in the delivery room when she had the baby?

Some background: The couple was together about 10 months before they endured a surprise pregnancy. Then, somewhere along the way, before she was halfway through, the father left her. However, he still wanted in on being in the room. Additionally, he also wants the baby to have his last name, but the mom is fighting to have her last name.

“We now know that the little bean is a boy but since my ex decided to leave me I said screw that and I chose a name and switched my ex out for my dad even letting the hospital know that he was no longer going to be present and I did not want him in my room no matter what,” she explained in the Reddit post. “I believe that in a situation like this my comfort in labor comes first.”

At first, it seemed like Baby Daddy took the news okay. But after he spoke to his mom, it was clear he had a change of heart.

“When I first told him this he was not exactly happy about it but he wasn’t going to fight me,” the poster explained. “But of course he went to speak with his mother and suddenly! He HAS to have the last name and he HAS to be in the room. I understand that, yes this is his child also but he is the one who left.”

He’s been pretty persistent and won’t step down on the issue.

“He is now going on about how he is joining the military and our son needs to have his name so if he dies or if I take our son away from him our son will have a piece of his dad and he needs to be in the room,” she said, adding that he showed up at her house and yelled at her about this.

While the poster knows she’s right deep down, she can’t help but feel a little bad for the way she’s acting—but then she remembered something else:

“I get that he wants to be a dad but before anyone makes their final decisions I would also like to point out that he was all for an abortion before but when I said it didn’t feel right he was furious that I told my mom that he had originally wanted an abortion,” she said.

Even so, she’s still not sure how to feel. She asked the Reddit world: “Am I the a**hole?”

Turns out, readers are on her side, claiming her NOT the jerk in this situation. “The taking of your partners name thing is just anachronism. It’s not a rule. If he’s not willing to be a proper dad, I don’t see why you wouldn’t give the child your last name,” one person wrote. “And the labor room is 110% about your comfort. Of course he shouldn’t be allowed if you don’t want it.”

“Birth is NOT a spectator sport,” another reasoned. “He’s obviously not providing you with comfort or positivity. Stress can stall labor, which can then impact the baby causing thing a like low blood sugar.”

“He also sounds really immature and wishy washy,” another observed. “I highly doubt he would be a good support person.”

Case closed: NOT the jerk here. What do you think—how would you act if you were in this situation?