If you’ve ever delivered food for a living, you’re probably pretty aware that you can never quite tell what you’re going to walk into when you get there. When going to stranger’s homes is part of your job, it can be, well, rather unpredictable.
Take the stories of some real-life delivery people. In a recent Reddit thread, delivery drivers shared some of the weirdest experiences they’ve ever had on the job. Brace yourself—these are pretty weird!
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“Take your shirt off.”
“Delivered to an old lady smoking pot and listening to Hendrix in her backyard. She says she’ll give me a ten-dollar tip if I take my shirt off. I just look at her and laugh. She says it again so I take it off and flex a bit to earn the money. The lady grumbles, says it wasn’t worth $10 but gives it to me anyway.”
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That’s just Jerry.”
“I delivered pizza for ten years. Once I took a delivery to an average middle class home. The door was answered by a middle aged dwarf who ripped the door open, screamed “THERE’S NOBODY….(pause)…HOME!!!!” Then slammed the door in my face. I stand there for about 45 seconds before a young woman answers the door and says “oh Hi. Sorry that’s just Jerry” then proceeds with the transaction like nothing is going on while Jerry marches around the house with his hands in the air screaming “THERE’S NOBODY HOME. THERE’S NOBODY HOME. THERE’S NOBODY HOME.””
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“Honey, do you have any singles?”
“I delivered pizzas in my home town where there are some celebrity residents. anyway, one day I delivered to a very nice house but nothing that made me think twice. I rang the doorbell, and who opens the door but Kevin Spacey. He asks me how much and I tell him $39.37 (I will remember the price to this day). He then pulls out two $20 bills from his wallet, looks at them awkwardly, and yells back into the house, “Honey, do you have any singles?” a response from somewhere “no.” Kevin Spacey gave me a 63 cent tip.”
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“I think she was lonely.”
The weirdest was probably when the costumer groped my hand while reaching for the pizza, then wouldn’t give me the money until I thanked her while looking in her eyes. I later realized she doused the money in perfume, too. I think she was lonely :(
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“Just leave it on the platform.”
“I delivered pizza as a second job for a while. I had one regular Sunday night customer with what I assume was agoraphobia and probably some other problems. He refused to leave the house or make physical contact so he had developed a system where I would place his pizza and soda on a platform and he would pull it up from his second floor window. I never actually saw him, just spoke to him on the phone. The order was always the same, a large meat-lovers pizza and a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi.”
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“I’ve got a gun.”
“Attempted to deliver a pizza back in my delivery days to a guy who thought it’d be funny to scream “GO AWAY!! I’VE GOT A GUN!!” after I rang the doorbell. So, I sprinted back to my car and left rivets in his gravel driveway while speeding out. He proceeded to call the store and complain that I’d left. I told the GM what happened and she called the guy back and told him that he would not be allowed to ever order pizza again. On the bright side, I got free pizza that day.”
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“What are you doing?”
“I deliver pizza, nothing too weird or anything where I live but I thought this one was funny. I took the delivery and this girl answered the door wearing only a towel, she looked like she just jumped out of the shower. She smiles at me a little flirtatiously, her towel is barely covering everything. Her mom turns the corner and yells “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” And chases her daughter upstairs. The girl got this hilarious “oh shit” look on her face as she ran too. The mother then came back, paid, then I simply left.”
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“Can you be our stripper?”
“I used to deliver pizzas in a very wealthy area of Dallas. One delivery was for 5 large pizzas to a this really nice house. I walked in the kitchen and set the pizzas on the table. When I looked around I noticed there were a lot of older men and women dressed up, drinking, and there was kind of a strange vibe — it felt like a swingers party. As I left, the host asked me what time I got off work, which was around 8pm, then asked if I would come back and strip for $200. I said no.”
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“You can have tools instead of money.”
“The absolute strangest situation I experienced was when one guy (a meth-mouth version of Joe Dirt without the hair) told me flat out that the check he had written for the pizza would bounce and he is sorry that there isn’t a tip built into the check but he offered me some of his “tools” (they were random screwdrivers and hammers) and an assorted hodgepodge of random sockets.”
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“I think you got the wrong house.”
Delivered pizzas to a house late one night some [weirdo] opens the door naked holding a cowboy hat over his junk and denies ordering pizza. I say ‘Maybe one of your friends ordered?’ He yells ‘anyone order pizza?’ Dude walks out of the kitchen with what looked like whipped cream or shaving cream on his junk and says, ‘I think you got the wrong house.’ So I left.
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“We are young.”
“I delivered late night food on a college campus with the usual party and stoner customers. One night I pull up to this house at 2am and from the street I can hear F.U.N.’s ‘We are Young’ playing. Not unusual; I often hear music and deliver to loud parties, wasting time trying to figure out who actually ordered food. What I thought was a party was actually two people, singing passionately along with the music: a man and a woman. I then spent a few minutes banging on the door, ringing the bell, calling the number, but with no answer, all while ‘We are Young’ played on repeat loudly enough to be heard from the street but not drown out their terrible singing. It wasn’t until I banged on the window of the living room that I got their attention, the music was turned down a little bit and they answered the door. It was a couple, at least in their 40s who were both drunk and shirtless and forgotten they had ordered food, but were non the less excited it had arrived. As they searched for money the woman (thankfully) put a shirt on; the beer-bellied man (unfortunately) did not. They invited me in and offered me a beer or a shot while I waited, which I declined, ‘patiently’ waiting outside. Finally they paid me and I was off without any more incident, ready for my next delivery adventure!”
How crazy are some of these delivery experiences? Have you ever been a delivery person before? What was the strangest thing you’ve ever experienced while working?