In 2009, Bronnie Ware sat down and penned the 5 most common regrets of the dying on their deathbed. Over the course of a long career as a hospice nurse Bronnie had the privilege of caring for patients in the final weeks of their lives. Bronnie had this to say about this most important transition: “People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”

When Bronnie questions patients about regrets common themes came up again and again. Here are the five most common regrets:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I pull out this list each year so I can reflect on my own life. After first reading this list in 2009 I’ve worked a little harder to maintain friendships, to practice the vulnerability needed to live a life closer to my true nature, and to turn off the computer, head out of the office, and make more time for family and loved ones.

When you have some extra time, David Brooks of the NYTimes does some beautiful writing on resume virtues vs eulogy virtues. One recent piece of his that touches on this is The Moral Bucket List.

Finally, my all-time favorite commencement address, one I re-read ever year, and one that touches on regrets is George Saunder’s short but beautiful meditation on Kindness.