When couples are planning to get married, they frequently are found going to successfully married people for advice and encouragement. But there is, perhaps, an equally important place to go for marriage advice. Who better to warn you about what doesn’t work in a marriage than those who were unsuccessful at marriage?

A Redditor who was preparing to get married asked for marriage advice from both married people and divorcees. They responded with questions that they think couples should ask each other before committing to forever. Check out 6 of the most interesting responses she received.

  1. “Asking the hard questions about children is really important. Not just how many, but questions about education and religion and basic child-rearing philosophies. For school, are you thinking private, public or homeschooling? What about discipline? How do you feel about time outs, spankings and grounding?”
  2. “Are you sure you’re not just getting caught up in the hype of getting married? I’m divorced and mainly I wish I hadn’t ignored the red flags, which in my opinion, become harder and harder to recognize the closer you get to the wedding. Once you announce your engagement, your mindset turns more to the excitement of the wedding and you tend to turn a blind eye to the warning signs. Plus, the thought of canceling the wedding can be enough to convince anyone that they can somehow make it work. But trust me, divorce is harder than calling off a wedding.”
  3. “Ask yourselves all of these questions to make sure you’re prepared: 1. Accidental pregnancy, what do we do? 2. Fired/laid off from job, what do we do? 3. Financial crunch (car problems, medical bills, leaking water pipes, etc.), what do we do? 4. Our parents are getting old, what do we do?”
  4. “I borrowed this more or less from Dan Savage: If one of us cheats, what is the outcome?”
  5. “One thing I wish I would have discussed with my husband is extended family dynamics. The one major problem we’ve ever had in 32 years of marriage is his family. They didn’t like me. I bent over backwards for these people and eventually won over his dad and won over his mom for the most part. His siblings and their spouses? Not so much. It caused many, many uncomfortable times for me and because my husband is super non-confrontational, he never stood up for me.”
  6. “Define ‘marriage’ for yourselves. What exactly are you committing to?”

 

Thanks to Huffington Post for pointing out this advice!