The snow is starting to melt (and hopefully will stay melted!), which can only mean one thing—wedding season is almost upon us. If you are set to get hitched in the coming year, then congratulations are most definitely in order. There’s nothing better than two lovebirds exchanging vows!
BUT—and this is a big and “Debbie Downer-esque” but, just because you are getting hitched means that you and your honey are in it for the long haul. Sure, it may sound pessimistic, but with U.S. divorce rates hovering at just over 50-percent, it seems rather ignorant to not consider the common pitfalls that contribute to the heartache.
Because of this, we’ve sought out info from the top relationship experts to help you predict which side of that “50-percent” you and your partner may fall in. If any of these seven emotional traps ring true for your relationship, then it may be time to have a serious conversation before you make the big leap into married life…
A recent study conducted by the University of Hawaii at Hilo and the University of Missouri found that—surprise, surprise! —social media platforms, specifically Facebook, could have a detrimental effect on relationships that have not yet “matured.” (The researchers define a “matured” relationship as one lasting 3 years or longer). Doctoral student and researcher Russell Clayton says this about the findings:
“Previous research has shown that the more a person in a romantic relationship uses Facebook, the more likely they are to monitor their partner’s Facebook activity more stringently, which can lead to feelings of jealousy.” Definitely something to be mindful of if you are getting ready to tie the knot with a relatively new lover!
Sure, most newlyweds proclaim they will stay together “for richer or for poorer,” but that doesn’t mean that the sentiment doesn’t come along with a fair amount of gray area—especially when a fiscally responsible person realizes that they married a flagrant spender.
In an article published by Psychology Today, Seth Meyers, Psy.D. says that there is no “algorithm” for determining whether or not your soon-to-be bride or groom could end up risking your good credit, but there are some patterns to consider…
Meyers says to watch out for folks who make a decent salary and still have credit card debt as well as ones who buy pricey cars but don’t yet own a home or condo. The psychologist stresses that these red flags could very well lead to a divorce in the future, so it’s best to come up with a very clear financial plan before getting hitched. Makes sense!
Ever hear of the “seven-year itch?” It’s not just a classic Hollywood movie; according to Dr. Schwartz with Mental Health.net, loss of intimacy, affection, and attraction after the first seven years of marriage is a real thing–and one that could constitute a divorce.
The doctor blames this on several factors, including the boredom that comes along with two people getting “stuck in the same routines.” Of course, this is an issue that can be repaired with the help of a sex therapist, but if you feel that your situation can’t be remedied, (i.e. your libido doesn’t match that of your partner’s), it could be a recipe for disaster.
Let’s face it, even the strongest duos have moments when they are misaligned. These moments can, of course, range from big things like lifestyle, to small things, like leaving the toilet seat up. But, no matter the scale, if the issue is not acknowledged, the resentment will only have room to grow.
A study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology states that couples who avoid conflict or those who are unable to communicate constructively are pretty much doomed. It makes sense; if two people aren’t able to confront their own issues in a marriage, how are they going to ever voice their needs? Unfortunately, it’s usually a conversation that finally occurs when it’s too late…
The number one reason for divorce is infidelity. Yep, not exactly breaking news…
A study conducted by the Austin Institute showed that 37% of divorced couples surveyed cited ‘cheating’ as their reason for dissolving the marriage.
Now, we know that potential infidelity can be a rather hard behavior to predict, but there are warning signs to look out for, namely if your partner has admitted to cheating in a prior relationship. Science says that individuals who were unfaithful to their first serious partners are 3.4 times more likely to do it to their next ones. Yikes!
Experts say that abuse, whether it be physical or emotional, typically escalates after a couple gets married. The abuser may make proclamations about how he or she has “changed,” but if your partner displays this type of behavior pre-marriage, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says the same issues should be expected going into the future.
Of course, this is a situation in which divorce, and only divorce, should be the solution. If you have either experienced abuse at the hand of your lover, or he or she has threatened you with emotional, financial, or physical harm, then it’s time to get out now.
Everyone encounters an “identity crisis” at one time or another—and most of the time it’s for the better. Questioning career options, lifestyle choices, and locales is a hallmark of growth, but it’s also something that can come at a high price.
One divorce lawyer who spoke with U.K. newspaper The Guardian sees this problem in his office often, though he is also quick to point out that these crises are often coupled with affairs. Mark Harper, a partner at the Withers Law Firm in London says that roughly 93% of the time, men are the ones who undergo this change of heart.
The best way to skirt a potential marriage-ending identity crisis? Well, we wish we knew the answer to that one. There’s no stopping folks from evolving, but if the bond is strong from the onset and you’ve managed to stay away from the other aforementioned pitfalls, your relationship may just have a fighting chance.
To learn even more about why people get divorced, be sure to watch the video below.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject! Do you agree with the reasons on this list? Do you have any of your own that you would like to add? What’s the secret to a long-lasting marriage?