There is nothing more tragic than the loss of a child, and unfortunately, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend experienced just that. Teigen was pregnant with their third child, a boy who they had been calling Jack. Teigen publicly shared her joy about her pregnancy, so when things took a turn for the worse, she decided to publicly share the loss as well.

In an Instagram post, Teigen shared the tragic news that the pregnancy had ended too early and that their son didn’t survive. That was September 30, 2020. She has not posted any pictures of herself or her family since, but she has been reading the comments on her post.

In an essay she wrote for Medium, she shared that she has read everything anyone has sent her on social media.

“Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, ‘you probably won’t read this, but…’. I can assure you, I did.”

Teigen went on to share her story of Jack’s loss in the essay.

“My doctors diagnosed me with partial placenta abruption…After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.”

Teigen and Legend had to accept that their baby would be born at 20 weeks and would not survive. Teigen was induced which meant that she would deliver her baby boy fully knowing that he would die moments later. Through sobbing tears, they had to say goodbye.

“I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again. I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour.”

Not everyone likes that Teigen shared photos of her saddest moments, but she wrote that she doesn’t care. She told Legend to take the pictures, and she doesn’t care what anyone thinks.

“I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”

It seems that the kindness of others and the love of her family has been a huge part of the healing process for Teigen.

“People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but…It feels full. Maybe *too* bursting full, actually. I find myself randomly crying, thinking about how happy I am to have two insanely wonderful little toddlers who fill this house with love.”

She also shared how complete strangers have showed her kindness that has meant so much.

“I went to a store where the checkout lady quietly added flowers to my cart.”

Teigen ended her essay by explaining why she decided to write this essay. Just like the pictures, she needed them for herself. It seems to be her way of grieving and moving on.

“I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life.”