17 of the Funniest Dad Jokes That Still Have Us Shaking Our Heads
There are jokes—and then there are “dad jokes.” You know, the ones that only dads find funny, but have the rest of us shaking our heads? (Okay, sometimes they’re funny!).
If you want to impress your dad with some pretty amusing dad jokes—or make everyone else cringe—you’ll probably want to put these 17 awesome dad jokes in your back pocket for later.
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Making friends with spiders
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) November 18, 2019
Hilarious.
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Pirate money
How much does a Pirate pay for corn? A buck an ear!
— Good Dad Jokes (@gooddadjokes) December 31, 2019
Get it?
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Why Peter Pan flies
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Cause he Neverlands.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 21, 2020
Groan.
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The husband of a hippie
What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi!
— Good Dad Jokes (@gooddadjokes) March 4, 2019
Misses…ohhhh.
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Talking oranges
If oranges could talk, what language would they speak? Mandarin.#dadjokes #dadjoke #SaturdayMorning #SaturdayVibes
— Dad Jokes (@sodadjokes) February 22, 2020
*Hides head in hands*
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Every dad’s “office”
[shortly after a big breakfast ]Dad: “If you need me, I’ll be in my office.” [walks into the bathroom]
— Classic Dad Moves (@classicdad) January 31, 2020
Accurate.
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Squashing grapes
What does a grape say when it’s squashed? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 21, 2020
So that’s how wine is made.
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Cutting oceans
How do you cut an ocean in two? With a sea-saw.
— Dad Jokes! 👨 (@dadjokes____) February 14, 2020
All the puns.
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Dad books
Just finished a book about the greatest basement to ever exist. It was a best cellar.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) January 23, 2020
…And more puns.
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Morning meals
What does a thesaurus have for breakfast? A synonym roll!
— Good Dad Jokes (@gooddadjokes) April 22, 2019
Badum-chhhh.
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Eating meat again
What is the best way to quit being vegan? Cold turkey.#dadjoke #dadjokes #ThursdayMotivation #thursdaymorning
— Dad Jokes (@sodadjokes) February 13, 2020
Why cold? Ohhhh.
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No more glasses
I’m not wearing glasses anymore. I’ve seen enough.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) February 20, 2020
That’ll do it.
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Why sailors don’t play cards
Why couldn’t the sailor play cards? The captain was standing on the deck!
— Dad Jokes! 👨 (@dadjokes____) February 15, 2020
Good one.
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Reading with alcohol
What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature? Tequila Mockingbird.#dadjoke #dadjokes #ThursdayThoughts #ThursdayMotivation
— Dad Jokes (@sodadjokes) January 16, 2020
Well, most people do need tequila to get through that book after all.
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Odd things
You know what’s really odd? Numbers not divisible by 2.
— Dad Jokes (@Dadsaysjokes) January 23, 2020
Why, yes.
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Candian spelling
How do u spell CANADA?C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?
— Dad Jokes! 👨 (@dadjokes____) January 24, 2020
Ehhhh.
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Literature
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.#dadjokes #dadjoke #SaturdayVibes
— Dad Jokes (@sodadjokes) January 18, 2020
Definitely the worst of thymes when it comes to jokes, too (or the best).
Are you a fan of dad jokes or do they just make you roll your eyes? Share your best one!