Much like “the talk” that young ladies receive about the menstrual cycle, there is another talk that happens during adulthood about “The Change”. It is capitalized for a reason.
It is capitalized because women know those words encompass all the changes the body (and mind) goes through near and during menopause. Just when you thought it was a good idea to break out the wine and cheesecake to celebrate the end of periods, here comes Debbie Downer’s mama with a sober reminder.
As we know, menopause isn’t a quick process. Some women fly through their experience unscathed and others, not so much. It can take months or years before things mellow out, but if you inject some humor into it, it might help with keeping your sanity.
If anything on this list sounds familiar, it’s because you’re not alone in the menopausal struggle and doing the necessary things to cope. We’d tell you to laugh through this one, but feel free to throw darts if you want.
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You spend so much time nakedly flashing your freezer that your kids are scared to come into the kitchen.
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You wake up in the middle of the night feeling like a beached mermaid, drenched and baking in the sun at the same time.
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You laugh and feel your bladder laughing back at you, reminding you that it’s in charge of giggles and sneezes too.
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You cry when watching the Walking Dead because you’re thinking about how many zombies can’t hug their babies or pets anymore. And you cry harder at the thought of those babies and pets turning into zombies too.
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You spend 30 minutes berating your husband over the sound his throat makes when he drinks, because clearly, it’s all his #(@*$& fault.
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You have dark, dark thoughts about the 20-something cashier who looked at your gut and just asked you when the baby’s due.
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The entire week, you’ve been setting records for how many hour changes you can stay awake for in one single night.
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Realizing there’s a problem with the fact that the local doughnut shop has your order ready when you walk in, you get a new sugar supplier, ditching them for the cupcake spot across the street from your job.
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Though you decide against it, for 5 minutes you contemplate shaving off your thinning hair as a show of solidarity for all the hair you just shaved off your chin.
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After spending 20 minutes searching for your keys (which were in your purse, which was on your arm the whole time), you remember the only reason you came downstairs was to let the dog out.
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Waking up from an epic nap on the couch, you try to remember when and how you got there but the smell of burnt lasagna gives you an indication.
Do you have a funny anecdote about “The Change” that you’d like to share? Do you recognize any of the things on this list? What’s was/is the most challenging part?