Nurses and midwives have the joy of getting to see the miracle of birth day in and day out. What they also see a lot of? Bad baby names. In fact, many have even tried to talk the new parents out of naming their baby *that* name because it was so bad. Here are some of the worst offenders, shared by nurses and midwives (among other people who’ve experienced some ruthless baby names) in a recent Reddit thread.
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Corn Peas
“My brother wanted to name our soon to be younger brother Corn Peas and our parents almost went with it because they felt bad about asking for his input and then rejecting it. Fortunately, they got over that and passed on the name.”
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Tarmac
“I tried to tell someone not to name their kid Tarmac. They learned the word from NASCAR.”
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Mudpiles
“A patient wanted to name her child Mudpiles. The nurses silently protested and waited a few days. Mom changed her mind.”
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Sunshine
“My boyfriend’s grandmother wanted to name her daughter Sunshine. The midwife said that wasn’t allowed because ‘it wasn’t a real name’ and his grandmother had no other back up baby names. So, a few minutes later when she heard someone down the hall screaming “Tina,” she named her daughter Tina because she couldn’t think of anything else on the spot.
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Kirby
“My mom wanted to name me Kirby. After her vacuum. Thankfully my dad talked her out if it.”
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Syphilis
“Ah yes Syphilis, the Greek god of pushing boulders up hills.”
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Colon
“My classmate’s mother was a maternity nurse, and she once had a couple who wanted to name their son ‘Collin,’ but wanted to give him a unique spelling. So they chose to spell it C-O-L-O-N.”
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Red and Blue
“Not a midwife but lived with a student midwife when I was a student. The first set of twins she delivered got called ‘Red’ and ‘Blue.’”
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Snövit
“My dad wanted to name me Snövit, the Swedish name for Snow White, but in the end my parents named me something else. Had my younger brother been a girl he’d been named Törnrosa, meaning Thorn Rose and is the Swedish name on Sleeping Beauty. Never did get to the bottom what my dad’s obsession with princesses was all about.”
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Lesmie
“My mom is a public school librarian and the cringiest name she has encountered so far is a girl named Lesmie (pronounced like Leslie but with an M).”
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Khaleesi
“As a Family Medicine Resident, I personally delivered two different girls named Khaleesi. This was around 2016, well before season 8. I imagine there might be some buyer’s remorse on the parents part at this point.”
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Latrine
“I had a coworker named Trina, and when she was pregnant, she told me that she and her husband decided to name their baby ‘Latrine.’ I had to explain to her that she was naming her poor baby after the hole in the ground that soldiers s**t into!” She was horrified, and changed it to ‘Katrina.’ Then, two days after the kid was born, Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans.”
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Mulan
“My brother talked my mother out of naming me Mulan, because he had a major crush on her and didn’t think a “sack of potatoes” deserved to be given her name.”
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Death
“Goth parents (18ish) had a baby. They wanted to name this sweet baby girl Death. I could not stand for it. So I told them every time I went to type it into birth certificate it changed the form to a death certificate. They bought and that girl is now named Morticia.”
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Truck
“My husband wanted to name our son Truck. Almost ended in divorce. Needless to say, none of our boys are named Truck and we are still married.”
What do you think the worst name on this list is? Do you have any to add that you’ve heard in the past?