One of the first things that we learned as children was to “respect our elders.” It’s a standard thing that every kiddo is taught pretty early on, but it’s not always a sentiment that is necessarily well-rooted. Generally, we find real respect for our elders when we are made to face our own trials and tribulations.
Maybe, it’s when we experience our first heartache or tragedy. Perhaps, it’s a career setback or life crisis that sparks a conversation. Either way, those are usually the times when we turn to the oldest, most experienced person we know for advice. It only makes sense to reach out to those folks; after all, they have likely already grappled with, processed, and overcome whatever you’ve been recently blindsided by.
But, just because everyone goes to the older generation for an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, doesn’t mean that they are often awarded the same luxury. Think about it–when was the last time you asked your nearly century-old neighbor to partake in a deep conversation about triumphs and remorse?
Well, lucky for our oft-overlooked elders, a curious and gracious minister/writer by the name of Lydia Sohn did just that. She interviewed the oldest folks she could find–all of whom were in their 90s–for an eye-opening article on the subject of regret. Because Sohn is about more than half the age of most of her interviewees, she was able to walk away with a new outlook on her own life.
In an interview with TODAY, Sohn discussed how her experience of having deep conversations with these seniors, altered her focus for the better. “One thing I’ve learned to ask myself is: What will I miss about this time of my life when I’m gone? Then, all of a sudden, things become so much more wonderful,” the minister said.
Sure, it’s scary to confront the prospect of death and dying head-on like that, but something tells us, hanging around a bunch of 90-somethings helped her become more philosophical about the whole thing!
These 90+ year-olds reveal their biggest life regrets
One of the most striking things that Sohn learned from her experience, is that people of any age can hold onto regrets. Here are some of the most intriguing regrets, straight from the minister’s interviews:
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“They wished relationships, either with their children or between their children, turned out differently.”
“One of my interviewees has two children who haven’t seen or spoken to each another for over two decades. She lamented that this, among all the mistakes and regrets she could bring to mind, was the single thing keeping her up at night,” Sohn recalls.
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Their joys and regrets have nothing to do with their careers, but with their parents, children, spouses, and friends.”
“…when I asked one person, “Do you wish you accomplished more?” He responded, “No, I wished I loved more.”
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“[They wished they were] more open about their feelings for new people and being more affectionate with those already in their lives.”
“The wished they’d listened better, had been more empathetic and more considerate, and spent more time with people they loved,” she noted.
Just goes to show you that we all have to confront our fears and swallow our pride sometimes, especially when it comes to our relationships. Let’s take these elders’ advice and try to love as much as we can, while we can!
What are your thoughts on these late-in-life regrets? Do any of them ring true for you? Do you have any broken relationships that you would like to mend? Are you a senior who has some advice that you’d like to share?