9 Things You Should Consider Before You Take Your Husband’s Name

Cultural norms often play a role in how couples decide to get together and how to go into a marriage. One of the things that has been customary in Western culture is for a wife to take her spouse’s last name.

The tide is turning. Many women are asking themselves if they want to swap out their maiden names for their husband’s, go with a hyphen, or choose a new last name as a couple. In some unconventional cases, men are taking their wives’ surnames.

To change or not to change? That is the ultimate question. Opinions are divided among the public as well as a woman’s inner circle, but the decision is either painful or not, or offensive or not. How did we get here?

The custom began in England (adopted from the French) as a legal designation that a man and woman assumed the man’s identity once they were married. She took his last name (their children too), but was not afforded any rights to property, contracts, or engaging in business transactions.

This carried on for centuries, extended into colonial America, and into present times. It’s no longer a law but is the norm. Although women choose to keep their family names for several reasons, equality seems to be one of the factors.

Here are some of the considerations women make before deciding whether or not to make the change:

  1. Identity

    Ancestral background, personal power, and a profound attachment to years of having the same last name can make changing things a hard sell.

  2. All-Around Hassle

    Do you have a personal brand that is connected to your maiden name? What about a professional tag such as a byline for writers or a professional license (hello, lawyers)?

    Lots of ladies mention the endless mounds of paperwork that needs to be completed to update everything: passports, driver’s license, social security, banking, medical records, insurance, online accounts, and much more.

  3. All-Around Non-Hassle

    To counter the above view, consider how seamless certain interactions will be if you take the last name. Handling business with schools, businesses, insurance companies, banks and the like is easier when you share a last name as a couple. Should you have children, you won’t be the odd one out.

  4. Family Name Continuation

    If you are the last in your family carry on tname, it will die with you if you change it after marriage. Some want to continue their line into the next generation by hyphenating it for their children or compromising in a different way.

  5. Opinions of Family, Friends, and the World

    Are you worried about offending someone by not changing your name? Future hubby? In-laws? Your friends and colleagues who have all gone the conventional route? Then don’t do it. Many a husband have felt hurt and disempowered by the mere discussion of not flipping the name. What would he prefer?

    If you are sensitive to the judgmental questions from acquaintances and strangers alike who may question your marriage dynamic or your decisions, then again, don’t do it.

  6. Personal Politics

    As a display of equality in your relationship, you want to keep your last name to show you can be a loving, supportive partner without conforming to an old custom. The history of why wives change their names doesn’t sit well with you, nor does it matter.

  7. Your Husband Wants to Take Yours Instead

    Not only has it been brought up, but it’s been done. Buzzfeed profiled a husband who opted to switch to his wife’s last name. One of the reasons he cited was the he disliked his own. Now two years into their marriage, most people still think his wife adopted his last name. Ha!

  8. You Won’t Have Kids

    This eliminates the concern that everyone will have the same surname except for you.

  9. You Don’t Want to Feel Like an Outsider

    Some women wrestle with the decision based on feeling like they are not part of a team. It may make you feel disconnected from your husband if you don’t embark on your new life together as a unit.

If you’re on the fence, there are alternatives. You could hyphenate your last names, make your maiden name your middle name, or mesh you and your honey’s last names together to create a new one.

So much has changed in terms of gender roles, family structures, and marriage equality that it seems like it would be more acceptable for a woman to keep her birth name. Statistics are still at an overwhelming 70% in favor of women taking their husband’s names, but it remains a personal decision.

Where do you stand in terms of the name change? Do you know anyone who’s kept their maiden name? Do you know anyone who has gone an unconventional route with the last name?

Sources:

Seattle Bride Mag